What if?

What if this was easy? What if this trip was paid for? What if I could pack and do what I usually do before Mexico without getting so worried that it makes me sick?

What if?

If I told you this was easy I'd be lying. I've never had to lean on God this much, never ever, because even though I have gone through a lot in life all of those situations had back up plans. This one doesn't. There's no plan b, no extra money in my wallet, no secret amount in my bank account, nothing. If this money doesn't come from somewhere within the next week..then I have no idea what will happen.

I can't pack. I can't buy the kids toys. I can't be as excited as I usually I am. Right now I'm worried, I'm fearful, I'm losing faith, and sadly that's all it feels like I can do. I have lost all hope, I hate to say that, but it's true. Tears keep falling down my face, butterflies keep flying around my stomach, I'm scared. I am so so so scared. This isn't easy, this isn't what I thought it would be. This is really hard. I thought the money would come in as fast as it could. I thought my family would be a tiny more supportive. I thought this wouldn't be hard at all....I thought wrong. I wish that I could snap my fingers and this could just turn into something really easy. What if this was easy?

But where did I get the idea that things like this are supposed to be easy? How did I come up with that?
Right now, I'm so stressed, so sad, so scared, so worried, so nervous. But I know that I don't have to be. I know that and I'm believing that with all of me. I've seen crazy things happen, I've seen God do crazy things, and I know that he's about to do another crazy, crazy, miracle.

"I will lift these hands and praise, I will believe."

All I know right now is that god is going to do this. It doesnt matter how hard this is, or how upset I am, He's going to do this and I know He is.

If you could all keep praying I would appreciate that more than you could ever know. <3